You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
last night I used snow as a chaser
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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