I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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