Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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