it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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