i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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