I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My life is pants optional.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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