You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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