You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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