Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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