I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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