i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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