Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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