How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize