There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize