I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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