Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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