Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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