my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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