i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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