i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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