I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize