once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize