my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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