she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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