Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i think i just lost a toe
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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