is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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