She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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