I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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