When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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