never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize