You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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