Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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