Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
