I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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