Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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