how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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