There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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