Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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