Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize