just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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