I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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