Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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