Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize