After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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