took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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