"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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