you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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