Umm I'm too high to move.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize