i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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