Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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