try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize