Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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